To Dad With Love..

Dearest Abbu,

"Its been two years from today when you completed your journey in this world and left us to meet your Creator to experience something wonderful.

In an instant I felt a thousand emotions in my heart for you and amazingly there was not a bit of depression or sadness, a few tears though which tried to find their way out. Nevertheless in the background I felt immense peace, joy and love because I know for sure that you are in the best place.

Since last week I was extremely confused and restless for no particular reason, I cried for half an hour at night on two consecutive days for no apparent cause. In my dreams I saw myself giving healing to my cousins/ sisters Aleyna, Marrium, Kanwal, Aiman. Two days ago I saw you very young and looking handsome, as usual, in my dreams.

I could not understand as to what was happening to me because I could not feel any pain or grief or depression but now it all makes sense to me. It was my soul or subconscious mind which was experiencing the loss of you without even disturbing me or my health on the physical level. And today when I faced 12th August it did not negatively effect me because on the spirit level everything has been already handled.

I did not want to intentionally use the words that, I lost my father to cancer two years ago; because I did not actually loose you to anything because you cannot loose anybody whom you love. This body, this world is merely an illusion of eye, the real Truth with the capital T is that our souls have connection with each other which is beyond our worldly sensory experience.

Honestly speaking I did not even remember the date of your passing away because you did not go anywhere but you had a transition and only your body vanished. 

Whenever I need solace all I do is think of you and through my dreams you come to me and convey to me your comfort and love.

Of course I do miss talking to you, of going on and on with my gossips and tales of daily life. I miss your assurances and encouragement to move through every obstacle in my life and do the very best I can.

However, I have to accept that our bodies are like beautiful clothes and when these clothes are worn out, we take them off and move on."

With all my love and prayers for you.

Yours ever-loving daughter,

Sonya. 
_____________________________________

Continued Affections

I have been wandering for days to write something for my blog but somehow due to strict time schedules of Ramadan and a bit of my chaos in my own life I just couldn’t focus. And today when I opened facebook everything made sense to me.  

I have experienced sole to sole connection with my father and with couple of other living people. It is not something exclusive to me but each one of you who will be reading this have had your share of such experiences. Like when you dream of someone whom you lost or when you receive calls of your loved ones exactly the moment you were thinking of them.

I am not saying this merely as a way of consolation to myself or to anyone else but I am speaking from the place of my personal experience.

Two and half years ago, when my visa request was declined by the American Embassy to visit my father during his illness I decided to meet him right then and there. So I went into my favorite room, exactly where I am sitting right now to write this post around the same time i.e. at 2 pm in Karachi and past midnight in Houston. I intensely focused on my father, became aware of my breathing, allowed my thinking mind to become quite.

Within seconds I was with my dad at his bedside. I could hear the monitor’s beep, smell the medicines in his hospital room. I sat there for almost 20-25 minutes, feeling the presence of his feeble body, the touch of his hand and praying for his health and peace. In the evening of the same day around 8 pm he called me, although very weak but in his spirits. The family attendant who was with him told me that he was unconscious for some days with brief moments of consciousness but this morning he woke up feeling better, asked for the phone and called you himself.

To the world it might be astral travel but to me it was Love.

I must add that all of us must take care of ourselves and that does not mean just looking after our physical bodies but more importantly the state of our mental and emotional well-being.

Any kind of negativity like stress, anger, fear, depression, guilt, jealousy, hatred, carrying on the pains of past, inability to forgive someone or asking for our own forgiveness from someone else creates a Black Spot in our immune system. At first, this black spot shows its presence by giving us slight aches or illnesses like flu or throat infections. If these black spots are not taken care off at this stage then they manifest as chronic pains or major illness. If these black spots are still over-looked they kill us ultimately.

So let us promise to heal our black spots and let this Blessed month of Ramadan be a month of our own healing, of moving beyond our mind created reality and establishing a new Reality. Of truly accepting our own demons and surrendering every aspect of our life, both personal and professional to God. Of forgiving ourselves; forgiving others and to ask for the forgiveness of others.     

In the love…..

Sonya. 

(Day 200)

Right to Left: Amma, Samina Aunty (Chachi), Safia Aunty (my phuppi), Me holding Anam Syed & Dad

Dad & I, Cafe at Paris

Church, Paris

NASA

 

Picture of me by Abbu