My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem.

Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.  

It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silently suffers the consequences of basic nutritional deficiencies which mimic depression and anxiety. When nobody came for my rescue I made a decision to take whatever action I can. So I researched and did every blood test under the sun.

Although my symptoms were similar to chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) yet we need to first see if every test is clear, as ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) is categorized as a serious, complex medical (biological) condition, not a psychological one. It affects immune, neurological, and energy-production systems causing physical symptoms like post-exertional malaise (PEM), unrefreshing sleep, and profound fatigue.

Like many patients of ME/CFS recovery sometimes happens suddenly while in other cases it takes a longer, slower pace. Whether I have it or not I am getting better by looking after my nutrition, not every day is Sunday with some high energy, some low and no energy days. To me it all matters, and I respect and truly appreciate what I have been blessed with.  

However during this entire phase of mental and physical fatigue my priorities shifted to focusing purely on my health and over all well-being. Life doesn’t promise 365 days of happiness but I have realized that I need to detox every burden I have been carrying, every childhood grudge I am holding on to there is no way of any sort of anger staying in my body. I just want to cleanse and move on.

All our lives we carry the weight of hating someone, getting annoyed with our parents/ siblings/ family- honestly these are the most ridiculous stuff to hold on to because the heaviness we carry from our past will not change anything today. It is like we are fighting in air with decades old shadows whilst none of that exist anymore except in our mind where the same repeated thoughts keeps on fueling the anger, resentment or hatred.

Every drop of negative or angered emotion effects every cell and trust me you don’t want any of that inside. Human body is extremely fragile it cannot carry the pain of the past without damaging itself. Although I don’t believe in holding on to memories or living in nostalgia- yet I went deep in mind and heart and dug any memory that even slightly disturbed me, fully acknowledge its futility and released it.

It is easier said than done – but one has to make a decision, a firm choice and once we actually decide then the process begins.

I have been working on surrender and acceptance ever since I first came across these concepts in the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I am always trying to understand these words from every possible angle, especially as a Muslim, because we are constantly taught to practise sabr. Sabr is often translated as "patience," but it goes far beyond giving up. It is the ability to remain firm in one's faith, restrain oneself from despair and unnecessary complaint, and place complete trust in Allah's divine wisdom and plan, especially during times of hardship.

However, very recently, I learned to truly understand, as well as practise, surrender and acceptance through this amazing lecture by Elzahraa Hassane. Her lessons and practical steps are so doable and easy to follow that I have watched the video multiple times to make sure I don't miss anything. Do check this link https://youtu.be/q83TZargKIs?si=dqBBsWWxjDOj3miV

The word Islam itself means "to surrender," and when we are in a state of surrender, we are at peace. Salah and other acts of worship, when accompanied by genuine acceptance, become truly transformative.

 

Of course, life is not going to be easy. Allah has created mankind for a life of struggle; there will always be challenges and difficult times. But how beautiful it would be if those challenges no longer hit us as hard or wound our souls as deeply.When one truly accepts that every hardship, pain, or challenge we ever faced, are facing, or will encounter is a test from Allah—then there is no point in getting angry, shouting, cursing, or becoming a rebel of the soul. Rather, it is when you accept with heaviness in your heart and tears in your eyes that what is happening to you, or has happened, is by Allah's will.

Because the main issue is not always the situation itself, but how our mind interprets that situation. The kind of harsh, angry thoughts that are produced are what actually make the situation unbearable.

However, once we accept the bad situation as if we have personally chosen to be in it, and then learn to be grateful in the midst of that internal hurricane—that is when one has achieved sabr, or true acceptance.

Eckhart Tolle once illustrated surrender with a powerful analogy.

Picture this—you are driving on a very rainy day. Suddenly, your tire goes flat. You get out of the car, and your feet sink into thick mud. What do you do now?

You could scream at the sky, kick the flat tire, or hit your fists against the car. You are well within your rights to do so—but what would it actually achieve? Absolutely nothing. It will not change the weather, fix the puncture, or lift you out of the mire.

Now think of another way. You stop. You look at the rain and the mud and say, "Alright, I am stuck." No anger. No yelling. No kicking.

Then, you calmly look around. Maybe you call for help. Maybe you wave to another driver. Maybe you walk to find a phone.

That is surrender.

It does not mean giving up. It means accepting what has happened, so you can think clearly and do something useful.

Then there is a second step, which is to pray, think, and struggle to get out of the situation. This is where the supplication of Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) really helps.

She said when her beloved husband Abu Salama died, she prayed:

"We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it."

And Umm Salama always said there was no one better than her husband. Yet this was an astonishing prayer by a widow who surrendered, and her sabr reached its peak when Allah rewarded her—she became the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). She lived a very long life, became a scholar, and narrated many hadiths of the Prophet (ﷺ). (Reference: Sahih Muslim 918b)

I have never been able to fully grasp the concept of sabr. I assumed it just meant to accept every bad thing that happens to us.

But I think it is more about learning to control our reaction to what has happened. And what could be better than reciting:

"We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it."

There is nothing worse than the stress created by thoughts and resistance to what is. Worry, anger, depression, and anxiety all come from that resistance. It is not easy, but I work on it every day—I make mistakes, forget the lesson, and then I try again.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Sonya. 

Sonya Syed (Post 598).