Being a woman

Last night was a sleepless, anxious night. I felt the discomfort I have never felt before, and when I did get some sleep it was filled with strange dreams.

In the long series of dreams I had, I remember couple of them. In one dream a man and woman, probably husband & wife, were sitting in a waiting room. The wife kept crying and her husband looked away.

Then in another dream I saw a man slapping a woman and then that woman began crying. She yelled at that man, ‘you have hit me, now I will throw you out of my house, you cannot live with me anymore’. Then she was running from one corner to another trying to find someone- but no one was there.

Entire series of these dreams I saw a woman anxiously moving around a house, it was crazy and chaotic.

When I woke up I was seriously worried about those dreams, my heart and mind were heavy. I thought probably it was because of my caffeine intake. It felt as if I was on the edge ready to collapse. But why I was happy yesterday everything was fine then what went wrong during the night.

I prayed and prayed, and then I had and epiphany! Today is Women’s Day 8^th March. Suddenly it all made sense, my heart relaxed and my mind was at ease. A subtle voice from within whispered in my heart ‘you were going through the pain and discomfort of the women all around you. Yes their pain and problems are real’.

Yes in my dreams indicated the terrifying conditions of women. When they cry their husbands look away, when they speak they are slapped on face and if they want help, they could not find anyone- they are just running from one corner to another in vain.

All these years, I never favored the idea that women are suffering. I thought everyone, even men and children are in pain so why only women are highlighted.

As much I know that women generally are least interested to help each other, in fact if a woman is at a high/ strong position she makes a point that another woman’s life is made hell. This is true for both their family as well as professional relationships.

This was my theory, but today when I experienced what many women go through every day, I am forced to alter my theory.

Women are a still vulnerable and frightened gender. It is that fear which makes them defensive towards other women. We are afraid that our parents might not love us like our brothers, we are afraid that our brothers will forget us when they will get married.

We are afraid that one mistake or even something unintentionally done would upset our husbands and he will kick us out of the house. We are always afraid that one day our husband will get bored of us and marry someone fresh and young, and we will be forced to live in meager circumstances.

We are afraid for our future and also for the future of our children because we are not educated, if God forbid something happens to the bread earner of our family then who will take of the family.

We are afraid that it is very easy for the male members of this society to hit us, ruin us and throw us out of the house.

Yes we are frightened creatures… and today what I felt was just the tip of the iceberg.

The problems are real, solutions are unclear. I remember this quote, ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’. I cannot change men or society but I can work on myself and create awareness around me. Of course, also pray and ask the Creator of this world to guide and lead us towards the path of glory and freedom from fear.

Amen!

Happy Women’s Day!

Sonya Syed. (Day 556)