Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Last
night was a sleepless, anxious night. I felt the discomfort I have never felt
before, and when I did get some sleep it was filled with strange dreams.
In
the long series of dreams I had, I remember couple of them. In one dream a man
and woman, probably husband & wife, were sitting in a waiting room. The wife
kept crying and her husband looked away.
Then
in another dream I saw a man slapping a woman and then that woman began crying.
She yelled at that man, ‘you have hit me, now I will throw you out of my house,
you cannot live with me anymore’. Then she was running from one corner to
another trying to find someone- but no one was there.
Entire
series of these dreams I saw a woman anxiously moving around a house, it was
crazy and chaotic.
When
I woke up I was seriously worried about those dreams, my heart and mind were
heavy. I thought probably it was because of my caffeine intake. It felt as if I
was on the edge ready to collapse. But why I was happy yesterday everything was
fine then what went wrong during the night.
I
prayed and prayed, and then I had and epiphany! Today is Women’s Day 8th
March. Suddenly it all made sense, my heart relaxed and my mind was at ease. A subtle
voice from within whispered in my heart ‘you were going through the pain and discomfort
of the women all around you. Yes their pain and problems are real’.
Yes
in my dreams indicated the terrifying conditions of women. When they cry their
husbands look away, when they speak they are slapped on face and if they want help,
they could not find anyone- they are just running from one corner to another in
vain.
All
these years, I never favored the idea that women are suffering. I thought
everyone, even men and children are in pain so why only women are highlighted.
As
much I know that women generally are least interested to help each other, in fact
if a woman is at a high/ strong position she makes a point that another woman’s
life is made hell. This is true for both their family as well as professional
relationships.
This
was my theory, but today when I experienced what many women go through every day,
I am forced to alter my theory.
Women
are a still vulnerable and frightened gender. It is that fear which makes them defensive
towards other women. We are afraid that our parents might not love us like our
brothers, we are afraid that our brothers will forget us when they will get
married.
We
are afraid that one mistake or even something unintentionally done would upset
our husbands and he will kick us out of the house. We are always afraid that one
day our husband will get bored of us and marry someone fresh and young, and we
will be forced to live in meager circumstances.
We
are afraid for our future and also for the future of our children because we
are not educated, if God forbid something happens to the bread earner of our
family then who will take of the family.
We
are afraid that it is very easy for the male members of this society to hit us,
ruin us and throw us out of the house.
Yes
we are frightened creatures… and today what I felt was just the tip of the iceberg.
The
problems are real, solutions are unclear. I remember this quote, ‘be the change
you wish to see in the world’. I cannot change men or society but I can work on
myself and create awareness around me. Of course, also pray and ask the Creator
of this world to guide and lead us towards the path of glory and freedom from
fear.
Amen!
Happy
Women’s Day!
Sonya
Syed. (Day 556)
Comments
Excellent work and i agree with you...
Take care
Happy women's day
Excellent work and i m agree with you.
Take care
Happy Women's Day
Excellent mam and i am agree with you.
ALLAH BLESS YOU.