Day 176

Tired, sleep deprived yet in full spirits; I guess it would be futile to raise my concerns on this issue repeatedly. Since my insomnia is the highlight of my life these days and since all of you also share a bit of my life, so there we are.

When insomnia is at its peak, life seems to be dull; emotions and thinking move at the turtle’s pace; entire system turns lethargic; lack of focus perseveres. Although you are there physically and responding to every chore/query mechanically; yet you merely speak so that you don’t fall asleep in the midst of a gathering nevertheless your mind is shut down.

I also believe that insomnia is just the tip of an iceberg of some other issue, which my sub-conscious mind is probably working on. However, consciously the more I try to look into the matter the more I am bewildered. Couple of things pop-up though, which I think I may have wrapped up in my conscious mind but they keep on coming. May be they need a final resolution and I am not allowing it resolve because my mind somehow wants to cling on to it. This is strange that at times your own mind becomes the destructive force and more you are aware of its pattern the more resolute it becomes; like a parasite which eats up its own host. After all the sub-conscious mind is really sub-conscious.

Until I work on my issues and get my self some sleep I would like to ask for your leave and return to you with better mind morrow.

In my love & more…

Sonya. (Day 176)