Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Finally, the day came when I shall have a tête-à -tête with you all. Quite a few days have passed since we last came together. I cannot give any excuse for my absence besides that I was mostly overwhelmed by sleep in the late hours of the evening and to concentrate on anything was rather tough. Moreover, one should have something proper to say or else the post would be full of the ramblings of a sleep deprived mind who is writing merely for the sake of writing and there nothing significant to share.
Craziness of cricket due to the world-cup is in full throttle in Karachi these days. Everyone is glued to their TV screens whether they are at home or at work. Luckily Pakistan has won two matches and the air is filled with joy, even the people like me who are not sport enthusiasts or have almost negligible knowledge of cricket are very much affected by the intensity of attachment with this particular sport. It is also amazing to witness that how the country of roughly 170 million people, belonging to different castes and creeds, have their joy and gloom attached to the wining or loosing of merely 11 people. A six and the roar of joy is heard from Baluchistan to Sindh and if any player is out then they all feel the sadness together; Pakistanis who reside in different parts of the world also share these sentiments. It is in these moments when we truly realize that we are all one and that we all have inherent capability to unite for one cause. May this togetherness and joy prevail with all of us for an eternity, Amen!
I had the busiest week and I was worn out yet I felt an adrenaline rush within, because the week was productive and creative all at the same time. In 2003-4 I was literally struggling to get somewhere to be someone and the more I struggled the more I was pushed back. Now looking back it seemed like I was swimming against the ocean tide. However, today I am going with the flow, I don’t have to struggle, there is no haste to reach anywhere; meaning of success has changed for me entirely. Sometimes what we perceive as a failure is really a success and when we take pride in our success, it actually turns out to be our failure. I cannot say if I know anything to survive in this world but few things I have observed and tested on my way and they have always proved their worth.
I have learned that if we can be at peace and deeply grateful for whatever we have in the present moment, it could be our greatest joy and then there is nothing else to achieve. If we don’t have what we desire then the trick is to feel the gratitude not for us but for other people who have what we have wished for; to be grateful for someone else's success as it is yours. Like I have learned to feel grateful when I see clothing store filled with clothes, the grocery store filled with so much stuff, or when I see the huge sky and the ever-glowing radiant sun.
Money is nevertheless a significant tool to buy the necessities of life but it would be unwise to think of it as a means to happiness. When you a see a comedy film you laugh and feel happy, thus money is also amongst those several tools which could make you happy. We have all seen people with millions and still they are unhappy; Michael Jackson, Britney Spears and Princess Diana are just few to name.
To attract abundance in your life I have learned to feel and be grateful for all the abundance around me even if it does not belong to me.
So be joyous……and with my gratitude to you all.
Sonya. (Day 180)
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