I couldn’t resist the temptation of writing, of saying
something, of venting out what has now been buried for months in the mind. Not
to worry, not everything that is on my mind is going to be published but
whatever I can say remaining within the safe and sane parameters shall be said.
These days my life has so many new adventures that I am
unable to focus on blog. In fact I am unable to focus on myself. My regular
readers have written several emails and had personal inquiries about my prolonged
absence from the blog, but all I can say sheepishly is that there is issue of
time management on my part.
The so-called discipline that I believed I had, was
merely a myth. I start making preparations for beginning my day at the crack of
dawn and still I found myself running around trying to get everything done in
time. I have now become a certified late comer.
Most probably my slow motion-ness, too much concentration on
the minor details, following all the protocols and most importantly the
obsessive compulsive need to clean up everything that I see eats up all of my
time.
That is the problem, I cannot compromise on some things even though
this compulsive behavior takes not only my time but also sufficient amount of
my energy.
Sometimes you believe that you are living in spiritual bliss,
that you have become wholesome, forgiven everyone and have become a Zen master.
And then, just wait for a challenging situation or a distressing memory to
pop-up in your brain and the Zen master you foolishly believed to have become
will in seconds change into an angry Anaconda.
All the hard work that you have put in to become at peace, to
be aligned with God will evaporate in the air; and all you are left with is
killing anger and a desire to give everyone a taste of their own medicine.
It is one thing to preach peace, love and forgiveness but it
is all together a different scenario when you have to practice what you have
been preaching. Sitting on a secluded mountain speaking about the delicious
words of forgiveness is easy but when we are really challenged to forgive people
who caused us pain then it is actually what we call ‘rubber meets the road’.
I have learned that irrespective of how annoying or
disturbing something or someone had been it is wise to allow that anger or hatred to pass. We do not hold on to the clutter, the useless things in our storeroom rather we clean it all up. Similarly, there is no point in remaining attached to useless feelings, they take up so much important emotional space and energy.
It is wiser to clear and clean the inner space, forgive, and move on.
However, in order to clear we need to first look into what is there that needs to be cleaned up. I usually deal with my anger
by writing down every single detail about what made me angry.
Once I see clearly of what is going on in my head, I just
want to get rid of what it all. There is after all no point in holding on to things
that are not useful to us anymore. And that’s what I plan to do this week.
Yes this entire week is dedicated to forgiveness; forgiving others
and also myself.
Have a wonderful week…
May the love & light of God be with you...and so it is Amen!
Sonya Syed. (Day 489)
Comments