And then she comes again….

So much has happened since Aey Dil Hai Mushkil, Americans have elected Donald Trump, Pakistan has Panama Leaks, world has refugee crisis and I was a judge at the Law Moot Competition held at a local university. Yeh, I know it sounds crazy, since many strange things are already happening so I also decided to contribute my share.

For my non-legal readers moot court competition is replica of a court hearing; participants are given fictional facts which they analyze, extract legal problems, research the law, prepare written submissions and present oral arguments. I must say that we have some real gem of lawyers coming up and I pray that with them enters new soul to the legal system. The talent we have is commendable and if I may not sound too biased then my students were simply amazing- I am extremely proud of them all.

Judging the competition was such an enriching and empowering experience that I want to do it again; however, it also tests one’s focus and endurance levels. I have so much respect for my judiciary and for the work they do, especially our judges in lower/ district courts the way they all maintain their demeanor and presence of mind while sitting for continuous 4-5 hours in very tiny humid rooms, filled with 50 plus people- is simply heroic.  

Besides the above nothing has much changed with me, and thankfully, my life is as dull and boring today as it was few months ago.

One thing I understood in the last few days that wherever we live, whatever we wear, whichever language we speak- we are the same. Our emotions, our fears and our wishes are very much alike. Yet we all claim to be different and superior from one another on the basis of language, skin color, culture, lifestyle and wealth. The moment we sit together and talk, and try to understand each other, we can change our view and understand other’s situation.

It is so unfortunate that last year in Karachi more than seventy thousand couples get divorced, and that is only the number which was officially recorded. A large number of such cases are unreported. There are many complaints of physical and verbal abuses against husbands and mother-in-laws. On the other hand, disrespectful attitude and uncontrolled financial demands are complained by husbands.  What is happening to the moral fabric of our society, whose fault is greater, are there issues with mother-in-laws? So many questions, but we have little and incomplete answers. 

It seems that two extremely emotionally pained people come together in matrimony and they end up creating more pain and agony for themselves and their families. This is not the situation of any particular social class rather every social class shares the same dilemma.

Every year, thousands get married and hundreds gets divorced/ separated. I think what happens is that we as a society are in chaos, we don’t know what we desire and when we get something we get confused.  Nobody is willing or prepared to be compassionate, it is always the other who should do all the work. He/she should understand me, respect me, endure me but I am not willing to do my bit.

Loving somebody is one of the most difficult tasks which a human being is assigned to perform. First, it requires us to throw our away our love-calculator. This is an invisible calculator we keep in our hearts; the moment we do something for our loved ones we add a number in this calculator, similarly when our loved one does not do something measuring up to our standard or desire we minus a number from it.

Every night before going to bed we total our number loving actions and also total the number of loving deeds performed by our dear ones toward us. If there love is calculated to be less then, oh dear, there is going to be a great combat coming up. The next morning will be somewhat like Hiroshima after the American bombing. The thing with all relationships and love is, they require more from us without depending on others to fulfill or make us happy. It is more about being patient and respectful. However, there should never be a compromise on your self-respect or mental, physical and emotional well-being.

Love is the light which shines brightly on everyone and it brings out our true nature-it is not always pleasant. In romantic relationships, during the courtship period it is all rosy and pinky with flowers, chocolates, gifts and dinners. However, the rubber meets the road, when people get married. Flowers and chocolates changes to bills and children diapers- taking care of basic needs, cleaning and cooking, maids, money or the lack of it, severely aromatic socks of husbands, wet towel on sofa and shoes in the middle of the room, alters the entire pardigm of a relationship.

The beautiful mask worn by both the parties disappear and the reality shines through. It takes immense courage, forbearance, colossal amount of prayers and hard work to get everything going.

Prayers play an integral role in every relationship, especially relationships formed as a result of marriage. The time and energy we all waste in arranging dholkis, mehndi, mayoun, other aimless functions and huge wedding receptions should be spent in prayers asking God to bless the relationship, to pour the Divine love and light on the parties involved therein. Everyone just jump into marriage without giving any attention to the internal/personal work it requires. 

If we are unable to respect or understand our loved ones we cannot expect them to do so reciprocally. What we are unable to give we should not also expect to receive.

With all my best wishes,

Sonya Syed (Day 566).