Our Youth, Nostalgia & Doubts

It is tremendously heartening to see the fondness of younger lot for their country, in particular of the teenagers residing abroad. It is ecstatic and such a delight to witness their excitement and joy for their visit to their motherland. Majority of those children never encountered load shedding or broken roads or pollution but when they arrive in Pakistan all shortcomings seem to take a backseat. I sincerely pray that this beautiful country of ours becomes peaceful and prosperous. The love and possessiveness that one could experience when it comes to the country is overwhelming, what is the force behind these intense emotions, I wonder.

Nostalgia is the most difficult state of mind for me to get into; I often get embarrassed and feel artificial during my conversations with my friends or colleagues or some other acquaintances about the experiences we shared in our past. Whether it is the school time or university level or work I observe that everybody gets deeply emotionally engrossed in all those different eras. There is in all of them a desire to re-live those times again. When my mother and her medical university’s classmates/ friends sit together they could within few minutes of their gathering revert to their student life and then they would relive all those precious moments.

I on the other hand, could only support the conversation from a much unattached perspective and there are hardly any emotional chords that are stroked in my mind. I also find it to difficult to remember the people who at any point in my life hurt me in some way; they become mere names for me with no memory of whatsoever kind. I don’t know whether it is good or bad but this comes quite naturally to me.

I had an interesting yesterday when nothing went the way it was planned. I, in all the world who advocates positive thinking… duh!! I can put up with a lot of things but a bad hair cut is intolerable. I don’t ask for much from life, I am not into clothes or shoes but I have to have a haircut which would meet my standards but no- the hair stylist has to be in a very bad mood exactly on the time when I am all excited about a new hair cut, for a new beginning.

Doubt has a serious frequency and any idea, decision, initiative or inspiration when engulfed with doubt could simply negate the entire scheme regardless of how sincere our intention is; apprehension and hesitation has the same power. Outcome of our decisions are to a larger extent enfolded with uncertainty so should this insecurity withhold us from doing what is Right?

And now with the pressing need to sleep………

With lots of love…………..

Sonya. (Day 48)