Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Sunday went merrily amidst the heat and then on Monday things became a bit shaky. By night I received two unexpected news and both were sort of rejections for me; something which my ego didn’t take too well. I felt gushing emotions, ache in my knees, back and cervical pains. I thought instead of falling in the trap of my mind and its chatter lets make into an opportunity to go deeper in consciousness and enlightenment. Lets watch my thoughts (how mind labels or judge the situation), feel all the emotions and observe my body reactions.
As I became an alert witness to my thoughts and emotions, I felt aches in my knee joints. In the middle of all this, I realized that if I did not continue this duality I will succumb to my thoughts and will get arthritis.
This is what exactly happens when you have stress in your life, your mind continually define, label and judge the situation and the people in it. Since we do not become the alert observer of our thoughts so we mistakenly take our minds and every thought in it as real and belonging to us. This tendency result in false body aches and pains and then ultimately turn into a real ailment.
Life is not good or bad, just the life situations are challenging. Like a lake which has calmness in its base and all the disruption happens on the surface.
Rejections did not relate to anything personal, but one of them being directly connected with something that I hold very dear. Hence the agony was not due to loosing anything of material value but the despair of loosing something invaluable.
I think I have made today's post quite serious but this is what this platform has been selected for. To talk, to share, to laugh and to cry together.
Returning to the lighter side of things, today I went to attend my first yoga class with almost 1 hour drive from my home. Fortunately as I spoke with the teacher he gave me an option to do distance learning. Distance learning within the city, interesting I thought. Since I wanted to learn the basics and philosophy of yoga so this option appeared rather feasible and then he informed that if I have to learn the postures then one of his students teach yoga within 10 minutes drive from my place. A win-win situation.
Well that’s all for today’s update, see you next time same place – same me, Insha Allah.
Love.
Sonya. (Day 196)
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