Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Damsel is out of her distress, accepted everything with dignity and is now looking for brighter side of matters. I have been quite busy with some work at home, some cooking requests from family and by the time I was with myself, I just wanted to sleep.
Today in my sheer stupidity I accidentally closed my mobile when I was expecting a highly important call. There were hundreds of marketing and product promotion sms’s continuously coming in the evening and in order to concentrate on my work I decided to switch off the mobile and open it within few minutes. Probably an hour elapsed when I discovered that I completely forgot to switch on my phone but by then the possibility of receiving that call also vanished. Time management is crucial.
Yet I am confident that I will receive that call- if not today, then tomorrow or day after tomorrow but I shall receive it and this is my faith..Insha Allah.
The yoga instructor to whom I went to study yoga, told me that I am an Escaper. He said that, “first you with all your love and devotion work on something and when a time comes for you to commit, you panic and escape.” Gosh! such a true and brutal analysis of me.
However, I must admit that the above statement has proved to be true in most of my professional life and now in personal life as well. One unfavorable person or situation I encounter, I hardly ever fight back and leaves whole the situation. I simply don’t want to get into any trouble or mental tension so I Escape.
This has been my mode of survival throughout yet now it is seriously challenged by my current life scenarios. My teacher, my mother both are telling me to stay grounded, focused on my goals and they are not letting me escape easily. They say that my fears make me run away when I can certainly cope with the situations or people with common sense and intelligence.
So lets see where does this new brave approach will lead me..
Have a great weekend!!
Sonia (Day 197)
Comments
I just want to ask one thing, why are u so confused in life all the time ?? your writtings makes me confuse as well and in this confusion im totally confused as u can see by this confused writing of mine :) have a nice weekend with confusion :)