Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Fear and insecurity are inevitable
feelings that you feel when you begin to loose something that you have with you
for years. There are times, when life
suddenly wakes you up to do what is needed. As much as it pains you or others
around you, you still need to stand up for yourself.
Few days ago I went for a
haircut, the stylist who was doing my hair had a frozen shoulder. It was a
technical cut and she is a perfectionist, so we were together for at least 2
hours when she was carefully checking the precision. Within few minutes I suddenly
started to feel acute pain in my shoulder, which led to cervical and a severe
headache.
The pain in my shoulder was so
bad that I had to ask my stylist if her frozen shoulder was hurting her-
because after practising alternative medicine and especially reiki we can
naturally feel the pain or discomfort of others in our own body. I felt her
shoulder pain exactly at the same spot in my shoulder and it got worse with
time.
So after she was done with my
hair cut I asked her if I can do her shoulder therapy because if didn’t help
her then I would get bad dreams. Yes its true that if I do not help people who
come to me then my subconscious mind punishes by showing me nightmares.
However after doing her therapy
my shoulder pain didn’t go away, in fact, it became worse so much so that I had to urgently
see my therapist Dr. Zainab for my own healing. It was then when she saw in
such pain she said, ‘Sonya, become a butcher. You should have faith that Allah
is the ultimate healer of everyone and you cannot help everyone’.
When she spoke those words to me,
in that moment I felt to have suddenly woke up from a deep sleep and from some
kind of trance. I realized that I cannot be there for everyone because I have
to be there for myself first.
For years I have compensated for
other people’s problems, I ignored my own needs to support others, I have given
them so much time and energy without asking anything in return.
But this cannot continue any
longer, enough is enough! Everything is give and take, what you cannot give-
you have no right to receive.
This happens to us in many ways
with our friends, family, at work. I have woken up and have let go off all thoughts,
past experiences, etc that are not productive for me.
Today only those memories, experiences, thoughts, and people are allowed to
stay that are contributing to my health, happiness and peace.
Cheers :)
Sonya Syed. (Day 458)
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