He's Just Not That Into You!

I had to, I have no option. At first I thought it was a topic that I should not mention on the blog; nonetheless, this matter has taken a significant turn and I believe it is appropriate to share this information, so we can save a lot of time and energy.

Few months ago, I met a wonderful lady who was working at a nice place and apparently it seemed that she knows her way in this world. Few days later she suddenly took off from work and vanished. Few days later, upon her return we met but she was a different person. She was hurt and badly injured emotionally. When I asked her as to what happened? 

She cried her heart out, and informed me that she was in a relationship with a particular person and after years of courtship, this guy out of the blue, abruptly decided to take a detour and married another lady.

Today, even after passing of 3- 4 months she has not recovered from her emotional pain but mostly from the trauma of being rejected for no apparent reason. Unfortunately, she is now suggested to seek intensive psychological treatment, as her condition is getting worse.

She hasn’t told me all the minor details but from whatever I have heard it seems that all those years, there wasn’t any relationship to begin with. Relationship implies that two people are involved but from what I understood there was only One person who was involved. That gentleman was never interested in her, in the first place.

All those precious years which she wasted, was only because she ignored all the red flags and never wanted to see the reality of the situation. We meet someone, it feels phenomenal, we carry on for some time, and few months or even few years later, the guy gets married to another lady. Period. End of the story…  

For some reason I keep thinking about her and all the possible ways that I could have helped her. 

Yesterday I saw a brief glimpse of a scene from the episode of Sex and the City titled "Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little". 

In this particular scene, Miranda asks Carrie Bradshaw's friend Jack Berger, to analyze the behavior of Miranda's potential life-partner.

After listening to Miranda’s entire story Jack sums it up in one of the most powerful sentence, “He's just not that into you”.

This one sentence later turned into a self-improvement book named “He's just not that into you” written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo published in 2004 and was also adapted into a film by the same name in 2009. It was a New York Times bestseller and was featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

I have read this amazingly liberating book, and it has cleared all my concepts or misunderstandings. Although this book is written by American writers but it has highlighted relationship issues which are universal, whether you live in USA, UK, Pakistan or Timbuk Too- human emotions and people are the same everywhere.  

It’s like a guide book on relationships, it’s compact and very well written. If you are single female then it’s a must read and if you are married then it’s the perfect gift you can give to your friend who is single. And if you are a guy, then God bless you.

Women or girls or ladies have a tendency to complicate simple things, instead of looking at the reality we tend to ignore all the tell-tale signs. Women are intelligent and highly intuitive creatures, at work, they might handle 20 people but when it comes to handling one emotional situation they are lost.

I have observed many girls and how easily they get fooled, not by someone else but by themselves. They give excuses, justifications on behalf of men in their lives so they can continue with their illusion of relationship.

On the other hand, I have also observed that if any gentleman would want to marry a lady then he will do so under any and all circumstances; Class, Caste or Creed are non-issues for them.

If a guy is not asking you to marry him, within few days or after a month of meeting, rather he is giving lame excuses like, “I have to focus on my job/ Give me time-I have to talk to my parents/ I have to find myself/ I am not ready for a long time commitment/ I need time/ You are in so much hurry/Sorry I lost your number-I have just changed my phone/ Sorry I couldn’t return your call, My  phone wasn’t working, it fell into the washing machine/ I have shifted to Jupiter, they have no phone lines there/  I am not ready for marriage……  then it is exactly what it is, He's just not that into you”.

Best of luck!

Sonya Syed. (Day 499)