Life, really..

Life can sometimes leave you breathless, you run and do your best to hide but where can you hide from yourself. Irrespective of your greatest efforts- in those moments of silence the mind pours forth all that you have kept hiding for so long; your deepest fears, regrets, mistakes all comes into the spotlight.

You wonder, why you made those ridiculous decisions because today you are the only one who has to live with the consequences of those decisions. Regret and guilt are the most killing elements.

Sometimes what have appeared to be just for fun, contains the power to change the entire course of your life. In your childishness, you disturb someone who has nothing to do with you. There is no excuse for such behaviour if you did that voluntarily.

However, in the midst of those guilt ridden memories you realize that if only I ask for forgiveness may be that could bring some ease. And if I am forgiven then this burden could be lifted once and for all. The best way to resolve this dilemma is to take the first step even though you are frightened- terrified of being rejected or for not being forgiven.

How would you really know the result until you take that first step? A brave person is not someone who is never afraid of anything but a brave person is someone who does whatever he has to, even though he is afraid of it.

Whatever I wrote above does not have any direct or indirect reference to my life, thankfully, but for some reason I felt an urge to write them.

Probably two continuous nights of extra heavy load shedding has made me like this. We had only two phases of electricity out of which one left us suddenly. The one phase which we had, didn’t allow us the luxury of ACs so it was two craziest days of heat and more heat.

I feel really grateful for these situations which we face in Pakistan because they teach us the true power of gratitude. If I had been living in West I would have never realized the true value of necessities of life like, water or electricity. 

I now understand how much these seemingly little things mean to us because without them we cannot even operate.

So whatever I am given, I am truly Thankful to God.

Love, peace & joy to all.

Sonya. (Day 433)