Day 33/34

One thought attracts similar more thoughts; a discussion about someone else’s childhood magnetically attracts our own early life experiences. I am not much of a nostalgic person anymore I find it difficult to dwell in my past. I don’t miss my childhood or school days or college life or any other instances of past, I guess I have exorcised the ghost of memories or at least it does not come to me with intensity. But it’s nice to wonder onto memory lane sometimes; my childhood was quite simple and straightforward however being the only child had some attachments. I had one family friend to play with but she could not be always there so I got engulfed in my own world. I hardly played with dolls, I had a habit of setting up a mini tent in our living room and I used to live in it for days. Then mostly it was cooking time with my friend, we cooked rice and chapatti on small sand stoves. Another favourite was playing with a secretarial case that my dad got for me; it had the cutest phone, card stand, writing pads. School was a real treat, well most of the time. Mom was a full-time practising doctor so mostly I was brought up by my Naani, but Mom never missed a single event at my school, whether it was a sports day, Independence Day function or book exhibition, or an exam at university not once she was absent on any of those days. Naani was simple but wise, hard working, a thorough disciplinarian and a perfectionist, and boy she indulged and pampered me with her love, patience, and spoilt me with her delicious cookery . She was completely partial to her children whenever I was in the scene. We were more of friends then naani nawasi, we went for movies together, played pranks and she cooked some wonderful treats for me and my friends. I am sure that I inherited my obsessive compulsion to make everything perfect and up to the mark from her, a trait which I am trying to balance now; though she never ever asked me to do anything but when I helped her to fold sheets or laundry and if all four corners of sheets were not equal she would never utter a single word of dissatisfaction but would fold the entire stuff all over again. Teenage was a real blast and the easiest time of my life and then came the college/university which was pretty monotonous. Overall there is not much excitement to recall, thankfully.

I would always pray to God to get any of my wishes realized and also to ultimately turn that wish in my best interests. We usually pray that we want this or that, and if in case that thing is not in our best interest then we further pray to change the effects of our desire into our benefit.

Like in movies when doctor tells the patient’s family that it’s all in God’s hand now and we can only pray. Why to reach out to Him when we have exhausted all mortal efforts, and then as the last resort we pray, I guess this is the time to pray before going to the meeting. When it comes to our wishes we think that we want a particular event to occur or we want a particular person or we need a certain life experience. But if we think about it deeply, it is not that event or a person or experience we want. What we want actually is to be blissfully happy and peaceful either as the result of that event or being with a perfect person or with the given life experience. We try to give God the road map of how our desires will manifest and what would make us happy.

We need to move out of His way and become receptive to all the possibilities. I for one have learned from my mistakes and now I don’t ask for any particular wish to manifest rather I pray to get all experiences in my life whether personally or professionally or generally which would bring me love, peace and joy. Since I put this in practise it feels like another dimension has opened within and life has become so simple and easy, and I’m flowing with the ocean rather going against the tides and struggling.

This, I could call the extraction of my life up till now.

Love and blessings to all.

Sonya.