Unexplained emotions seems to
have become the highlight of my life these days and when I thought about acting
on some of the impulses created as a result to those emotions I preferred to
follow the “wait and watch” strategy. One of our friends visiting the blog
suggested that this particular strategy might not be a good be idea all the
time.
I respect that suggestion however
I also believe that on many occasion things comes up in our minds not directly requiring
any action rather they show up only to make us aware of them. The moment we are
aware of the emotions and thoughts or mental story they represent, there work
is done. Simply by non-judgmental observing we realize where we were wrong,
what were our resistances and attachment.
On the whole we also realize that
those set of emotions and the related memory are not productive to us any more
thus they should be allowed to release.
You live a substantial time of
your life believing you have all the right information about yourself and
the world around you. You think you know your strengths, weakness, likes,
dislikes, what you want to do in life and when. Your relationships and your
professional life are seen through a set belief system. You like what you like
and you dislike somebody because they did this or that to you at some point in
your life.
You think you know it all, yet
somewhere within there is suspicion that something is not right- that things
are not supposed to be like this. That there is something missing but you are unable
to pinpoint.
Then certain discomfort or
irritability begins to gradually enter your being, having no idea you run to
the variety of doctors with a serial of vague bodily symptoms. After long tests
doctors fail to help you so psychiatrists emerge to the scene with their Prozacs
and Prothiadens. Yet that underlying discomfort or irritability only disappears
momentarily and resurfaces with far more intensity.
However, by this time the
foundations of your life; your career and personal relations also start to
crumble. You then look toward God and pray for some superficial fixes to the
problem like a great career or wonderful partner only to find out that the
things which you have so desperately prayed are not given to you but have been
completely banned from your life for now.
Then you read Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A
New Earth’, and finally you get sanity, answers and a definite direction. Life
starts to change and everything becomes so simple, plus your Ego gets a good kick in the
rear-end. You think you are Awakened and that all would now be resolved and you
shall now live in your la-la land. But wait! “picture abhi baaqi hai meray doost” (picture is incomplete my
friend).
Nevertheless, by the Grace of God
you now come to realize that the discomfort or irritability was not a
psychiatric problem but your soul’s desire to wake up and disassociate itself
from the illusion of the mind and the physical world, to be at Peace and become
Conscious. The goal is to be in the state of complete acceptance and surrender.
To be devoid of any inner resistance, judgment or attachment to what is. Alignment
with the will of God. To be here in the Now.
The intense the desire to be at
peace, the more intense the life experiences shall be.
Some scriptures call this
Awakening and others call it Kundalini.
I never desired to discuss this
aspect of my life with anybody other than people close to me; however, due to this medium of interconnection everyone feels like my extended family. Besides when I thought to write, I asked myself what needs to be told today. A subtle Voice replied "write how you feel, my dear." Since there has to be no inner resistance thus
I surrendered and obeyed the Voice.
With all my love…
Sonya. (Day 275)
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