Awakening….

Unexplained emotions seems to have become the highlight of my life these days and when I thought about acting on some of the impulses created as a result to those emotions I preferred to follow the “wait and watch” strategy. One of our friends visiting the blog suggested that this particular strategy might not be a good be idea all the time.

I respect that suggestion however I also believe that on many occasion things comes up in our minds not directly requiring any action rather they show up only to make us aware of them. The moment we are aware of the emotions and thoughts or mental story they represent, there work is done. Simply by non-judgmental observing we realize where we were wrong, what were our resistances and attachment.

On the whole we also realize that those set of emotions and the related memory are not productive to us any more thus they should be allowed to release.

You live a substantial time of your life believing you have all the right information about yourself and the world around you. You think you know your strengths, weakness, likes, dislikes, what you want to do in life and when. Your relationships and your professional life are seen through a set belief system. You like what you like and you dislike somebody because they did this or that to you at some point in your life. 

You think you know it all, yet somewhere within there is suspicion that something is not right- that things are not supposed to be like this. That there is something missing but you are unable to pinpoint.

Then certain discomfort or irritability begins to gradually enter your being, having no idea you run to the variety of doctors with a serial of vague bodily symptoms. After long tests doctors fail to help you so psychiatrists emerge to the scene with their Prozacs and Prothiadens. Yet that underlying discomfort or irritability only disappears momentarily and resurfaces with far more intensity.

However, by this time the foundations of your life; your career and personal relations also start to crumble. You then look toward God and pray for some superficial fixes to the problem like a great career or wonderful partner only to find out that the things which you have so desperately prayed are not given to you but have been completely banned from your life for now.

Then you read Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’, and finally you get sanity, answers and a definite direction. Life starts to change and everything becomes so simple, plus your Ego gets a good kick in the rear-end. You think you are Awakened and that all would now be resolved and you shall now live in your la-la land. But wait! “picture abhi baaqi hai meray doost” (picture is incomplete my friend).

Nevertheless, by the Grace of God you now come to realize that the discomfort or irritability was not a psychiatric problem but your soul’s desire to wake up and disassociate itself from the illusion of the mind and the physical world, to be at Peace and become Conscious. The goal is to be in the state of complete acceptance and surrender. To be devoid of any inner resistance, judgment or attachment to what is. Alignment with the will of God. To be here in the Now. 

The intense the desire to be at peace, the more intense the life experiences shall be.

Some scriptures call this Awakening and others call it Kundalini.

I never desired to discuss this aspect of my life with anybody other than people close to me; however, due to this medium of interconnection everyone feels like my extended family. Besides when I thought to write, I asked myself what needs to be told today. A subtle Voice replied "write how you feel, my dear." Since there has to be no inner resistance thus I surrendered and obeyed the Voice.

With all my love…

Sonya. (Day 275)