Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Last night was a
tough one when I had sprain in my cervical. Although I was experiencing
sensations in my head with nausea and giddiness but couldn’t put it all
together until last night when all the symptoms took toll on me and I consulted
my doctors. Thankfully, everything was taken care of immediately, sensations in
head are much reduced and I am feeling better.
Standing between
certainty and uncertainty, your instinctive side points out one thing and
then your rational mind comes in with all its logical explanation. Thus, you
end up exactly where you have started.
Today is such a
day for me when I am at the juncture of decision and indecisiveness. Bewildered
because I don’t like unexpected outcomes and end up making a fool of myself. In
such situations it is always preferred to consult wise people around you who would
in the light of experience would give you guidance; however, in the end of it
all you find that the ball is in your court in fact it has never left your court.
I am waiting for
some Divine guidance to help me get through this phase because doing anything
simply out of desperation would always end up attracting more chaos.
Such situations
in life are ideal opportunities to be incorporated in meditation which should
be made an active part of our daily life and not just limited to 20 minutes;
that is to fully feel the emotions, be aware of the thoughts and then focus on
your breath.
So what should be
the modus operandi for me now? I believe to take three deep breaths, release all the
tension and just chill. Your intuition works best when you are relaxed. God
doesn’t respond to a noisy mind. Wait for the emotions/impulses to settle down
and up to a point where your rational mind also becomes peacefully silent.
Then an answer
of grace and dignity shall emerge. In case if no answer comes up then that is
also an answer.
May you all
remain in peace & grace…
Love.
Sonya. (Day 273)
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