Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Yesterday we had to drop by our mechanic
for a quick car check-up, the garage is adjacent to a Preschool/ Montessori,
and I am always more than eager to visit there with the sole motive of meeting
little babies. The lady who is the Principal at the school is my Mom’s patient
so we are always welcome there.
While
the car was checked I was sitting in the school premises, within few minutes
the school got off and I was surrounded by at least 100 little children. It
felt as if I am sitting in a beautiful rose garden, except today the roses were
smiling and playing with their little school bags.
There
was a little girl I guess around five and she was giving me constant smiles.
After a while she came to me and asked who I am and what am I doing in her
school. Then she abruptly, without any hesitation, asked me to give her some
money. I was a bit surprised at her frankness, and of course I said ‘No’. However, she pleaded that she needs to eat
the makkai (sort of a grilled maize/ corn) that is sold outside the school.
And I
gave in; she took ten rupees from me and had a party of makkai with her
friends. By
the way, Makkai is an extremely popular snack with children and adults alike.
However, amongst all those
lovely faces there is a face- the face of a little boy which is stuck in my mind. He is
three and has the softest skin, shiniest eyes and tiny little hands and feet. He
was holding hands of his principal and they both were waiting for his van.
The
principal introduced him to us, she told us that I cannot allow him to go in
his class because he beats up his classmates. She said, ‘you know when I asked
him why do you beat other children’. The little boy replied to her, ‘my father
beats me so I will beat everyone else’.
He is
only 3, cannot even speak full sentences and he has so much anger building up
inside him. I am trying to understand the result of this emotional as well as
the physical abuse he is gong to have on his soul. Childhood events define who
we are going to be as adults.
Its
been more than 24 hours since I last him; however, there is not a second for
which I forgot his face.
I am
angry and ashamed at my helplessness.....
Sonya. (Day 395)
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