Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
So many
of us are afraid to die, we fail to live. We will not take chances when they
present any form of risk. Are you really alive when you hide yourself away from
people or experiences you believe can hurt you, harm you, or in some way take
your life away? When we don't live because of the fear of dying, we die without
ever having lived. Iyanla Vanzant (Author &
inspirational Speaker).
Something struck me about these
words and I couldn’t help but adding them to today’s post. Its strange but I feel
that God talks to us in many ways because just this morning I was struggling in
my mind about meeting some people. Although other guests are trying their best
to convince me to come; they tell me that its all going to be great and I am
just being unreasonable.
Still I am resisting and giving
all kinds of excuses to myself as to why I shouldn’t go. In my mind I am
convinced that my decision is right, as usual.
However after reading above lines
I am not really sure. Not once, but on many occasions I have felt that I should break all my reservation or
apprehensions and meet people. Yet even before meeting them I create my
judgements about them. Or probably as Iyanla said I am simply afraid; afraid of leaving my comfort zone.
This is my shortcoming that if I
detect or even feel that there is even slightest chance of discomfort or
problem I avoid that situation all together. The first thing I do is remove myself
from any possible distress or any conflicting situation. Yes! I run away....
My justification is, if there is
neither urgency nor any immediate necessity then why should I be in any situation
which is going to disrupt my mental peace. At this point in my life, there is
nothing more important to me than my peace. Peace is now my only aim for
living.
Yes probably I am scared, yes I don’t
want to face any challenge and yes this is my escape.
So after knowing my problem, what
is the solution? Any recommendation?
Should I pray and face whatever
is there, and hope that everything is going to be just fine? Or should I run
away, like I mostly do?
But then how can I forget the
most important element of faith, which says that if you truly believe than no
matter what you shall always be protected and guided in the best possible way.
How can I forget my favourite four
W’s that I always keep on asking God:
Where should I go?
What should I do?
What
should I say and to Whom?
Have a wonderful peaceful fast with your loved
ones.
Take Care!
Sonya Syed. (Day 439)
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