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My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.   It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
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Racing

I felt it, in fact I knew it that there was something wrong this time. I was unable to point it out, yet I knew it was there. Sometimes in our desperate quest to reach somewhere or to achieve something we miss the journey that takes us towards our goal or destination. We reduce it to ‘as a means to an end’.

There was a story where two players were a playing competitive game. One of the players was a champion, but as the game began he got defeated very quickly. When everyone asked the champion player as to why he lost a very easy match, he said ‘throughout the game I kept my focus only on winning, on the outcome of the match- when I should have concentrated on the present moment where my competitor was with me’.

It is important that one should have a goal in mind but what is more significant is to be intensely aware of the entire journey that is taking us towards our goal.  Can we touch the future? NO, because it is only in our mind- what we have with us is this moment.

Every moment is precious, so we should live in it. And I was not living in it. Yes I have lost my focus while I was teaching. Technically speaking everything is smooth, my students are happy and I am content. Yet I knew in my gut that I am missing something. That this is not how it should be going.

Since the beginning of this semester I was focused to do my best and finish my course beforehand, like it happened in the earlier semesters.

However, this time I was struggling and even after doing my very best I was not happy with the results. And then it occurred to me that in my earlier semesters I didn’t have any course outline because whatever I was teaching was becoming my syllabus. And we, my students and I managed to cover 90% of two books in just four and a half months.

I finally understood that I was intensely concentrated on reaching the finish-line quickly and perfectly, and completely missing the beauty of the race.

You see, when we are able to breathe in this moment, the future itself gets perfected. 


With lots of prayers for your health and happiness.

Sonya Syed. (Day 454)

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My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.   It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Post a Comment
Read more