Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Yesterday was a tough day
not due to some external situation but mainly due to my own irritability and
anger. I have been working on my academic project for months now and with lot
of effort I was able to come up with the final draft, which was also approved
for submission; just few days before submission deadline when I looked at my
work I realized that it was “my worse writing ever!”
Naturally I was lost,
angry and clueless. I meditated and prayed really got down on my knees, I
needed some inspiration just one cue- but nothing happened.
It was in that moment I
realized that whatever creative I do whether painting, blogging, working or
cooking (yes I do cook) it all happens to me. I don’t really do anything
myself, some kind of energy comes in giving me all the directions and
dictations and I simply follow them. Of course, my intellect and thinking is
involved but its only vessel through which creativity passes from.
It is not only with me
but whenever you do anything that turns out to be peaceful, yielding desirable
results & giving you immense joy; that is in reality the work of Higher
Power who has chosen you to become the vessel for His creative work.
Whether it is a great
scientific discovery, splendid painting, amazing dress design, great presentation
at work, wonderful school project or the delicious dinner you cooked for your
family; that is always God behind the scenes working through you exhibiting His
divine presence and creativity.
And all we need to do is
tune ourselves on that receiving frequency & Voila! magic happens.
Coming back to my mood, I
came home with the same annoying attitude and started to fight with someone in
my mind for something that happened ages ago. With the same hostility burning
in my mind, I felt asleep.
Just when I reached a
point of half sleep and half-awake condition I saw the image of a man almost
bald, in some yellowish clothing bursting with laughter. It seemed that he was
laughing on me, the angrier I became the joyous his laughter grew.
In that semi-dream state I
thought who the hell is he, why is he taking my situation so lightly. This is
my life and I have some serious issues and this bald guy is laughing.
Then an unseen soft voice
whispered, “let it go…”
I suddenly woke up and within
a second my anger was gone, energy level was restored, and I was perfectly
fine.
What happened? Was that a
dream? I didn’t know but it was a real and absolutely vivid image. Vivid image
of who? Oh my goodness it was the image of alive Laughing Buddha.
I recalled seeing his
picture somewhere, so I searched the internet trying to find what I just saw
and there it was.
The only difference was
that I didn’t saw still photography but real and alive laughing Buddha sitting
in bright daylight beside the river.
He was laughing at me,
and on my condition, conveying me the message that “you are taking your problems
too seriously, let them come and go. Laugh on them, laugh at your mind which is
making nothing into something.”
As time passed I even forgot
what I was angry about, and today I am smiling. Who knows maybe soon I might also
began to laugh whole-heatedly at my own problems.
Some of my friends would
say that how can a Muslim see Buddhist monk in her dream, to all of them I shall
say that “faith is a room with many doors”.
Allah speaks to us in
many ways, He can show us His presence and guidance in any form He chooses. Since
it was the most easily understandable way for me to catch His message “laugh it
out…. let it go Sonya!”, so Allah selected this particular image, because He is the Knower of all that there is and He is able to do all things....
Sonya Syed. (Day 513)
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