Is it reasonable to dislike something to dissect or scrutinize negative aspects of anything? Or is it if we observe negative then only we would be in a position to infer what positive is and what positive looks like. If this is the case then things are known by their opposites. Only darkness of night would make us realize the importance of sunshine. So in a way Bad is fine because it helps us to recognize Good.
Reading about someone else’s persona urged me to take a hard look on my own public demeanour. To be honest I am in the distant and aloof category; to get out there, do my job, give it the desired input, pack my bag and straight back to home. No interference with others, except for courtesy reasons. Certainly if approached for a personal moment from the other, I shall be considerate but never the initiator.
This modus operandi was adopted when I decided to become a lawyer, since law is male dominated thus to stay out of trouble, to survive, to learn and to be taken seriously I distanced myself from all kinds of unwarranted people and situations. This aloofness would often be construed as arrogance and unwanted pride and giving rise to another form of misunderstanding and conceit in the eyes of the other or others.
It worked perfectly for me until couple of years ago I heard voices from all corners compelling the hearer to be Authentic i.e. to take off the social mask and just be myself. Do not play any roles; a role of lawyer, a role of daughter and sister, a role of friend. Don’t become someone else simply to survive. Nevertheless, I always failed to understand the concept of authenticity because my brain kept on telling me that this world is a very distrustful and convoluted place, where everyone is waiting to take advantage. That I am so vulnerable.
To experiment with myself I started to divest myself of all social masks, not to play roles anymore and to finally become who I am. To be in harmony with my internal guidance system and to follow my natural instinct. To be guided exclusively by intuition and to conduct myself on discernment. At the outset it does sound like a scary proposition, and the brain warned me; so now you are not going to listen to me, what about your past experiences, what about this cruel world where there is no goodness left. Well! if you disregard my cautions then you are destined to be doomed.
Contrary happened to the warnings of my brain. As I began to be authentic and rely more on that subtle yet consistent voice within me I saw teeny-weeny miracles occurring. The first and the foremost benefit of this exercise was the evolving of a sense of calmness and liberation. As if a big burden has been removed from my shoulders, I felt light as a feather. As for the big bad world, my intuitive system constantly informs me about the measures that I should or should not take while meeting someone and how to behave in any given situation. And men! If I ignore that subtle voice I always get in trouble. We don’t have to ignore our brain signals altogether it’s feasible to look at pros and cons; both intuitive and logical brain must work in consonance.
So this is the story of my life, if not entirely then at least partially.
A Very Good Night, with the belief that there is warmth and love in the hearts of millions.
With love-
Sonya. (Day 44)
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