Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
“After a good dinner one can
forgive anybody, even one's own relations.” Oscar Wilde from A Woman of No
Importance.
I cannot express how much the above is true and how amazingly one can
change in his/her views on life after having gastronomic satisfaction. Few hours
ago when I wrote the first draft of today’s post, I was bitter and angry,
mostly on the political system but now after a good dinner I am a changed
person. Everything seems to make sense now.
These days my family is complaining about my extra busy schedule but I am
very happy with it. Sometimes keeping yourself busy especially with creative
and productive activities becomes a blessing. Yes, at first, it might appear
that I am unconcerned about the people whom I am connected to, but to be honest
it is my therapy.
My problem is that I am too concerned about everybody in my life, to
the extent that it exhausts me, drains me of my energy. So these days I am
taking few steps back and trying to do something for myself only. Although I am
always there physically for all my near and dear ones but once in a while I need
an emotional break. I need to get my perspective clear, I need to decide what I
really want and then work for it.
I believe this is the time that I should slight shake, if not break my
emotional umbilical cord. You cannot live in two worlds, your physical world
and the world of your dreams. Once and for all, you need to decide and take
that one path which leads to a peaceful life.
Yes! you need to decide now, you need to act now, and you need to gather
all the courage because its now or never. Sometimes we fear for the consequences of our
decision, whether acceptance or rejection would be our fate. But then we must
realize that fear has never lead anyone anywhere.
The more you fear, the more you destine yourself for doom. It is not
about acceptance or rejection; wining or loosing. It is all about doing our
best and leaving the rest on God.
Have
a wonderful week!
Sonya
Syed. (Day 412)
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