Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
It has often been said
that our hearts are merely pumping machines and their only function is to
purify and transmit blood. But if we observe closely, our heart is the place
where we first experience any emotion.
When we are hurt or depress or unhappy
for any reason, our emotion in the form of energy, revolves in heart giving us
bad sensations. Similarly, when we are happy or excited our heart area feels
very light as a feather.
Whatever happens to us,
we feel all that primarily in our heart region. However, with the busyness that
goes in our minds and in environment, we hardly ever realize that it is our
heart which suffer and endures our life’s pain, as well as pleasures.
Science now tells us
that our hearts also have brains, they feel and think. Mind is the high-tech processing
machine which brings out situations, memories, names, images and people
matching the feelings coming out of heart.
In every Religious
book, hearts are given prime importance. In Quran there are several verses which
states the condition of ‘closing of heart’, ‘darkness of heart’, ‘secrets of
heart’.
Not only that heart
have brain and power of thinking but it is also the place where our soul resides, and the decisions we make
are always coming from our heart and not from our mind.
And these decisions are
always based on how we feel about a particular person or situation. If our
heart feels light about someone or something, we take decisions favoring that
person or thing. If our hearts feels bad (angry, sad, depressed, jealous) then
the decisions are made accordingly.
Emotions always cloud
our mind, and thus our lives.
Heart diseases can be
the result of bad living habits, smoking or drinking, genetic defect or due to
stress. But before all these reasons, the main cause of heart ailments is its prolonged
suffering due to our own actions.
Yes, we make our own hearts
suffer when we give supreme importance to our EGO. It is our big, fat, and ugly
ego, our false self that kills us.
Ego is not only our unnecessary
and over rated self-esteem, rather it is a genie or a spirit that possess our
mind and body throughout our lives.
There is a classic
horror movie “the exorcist’’ in which an evil spirit possesses the body of
a little girl. In the beginning it shows itself in glimpses but as the movie
continues it fully takes over the little girl to a point where the girl can no
more be seen and what is left, is the Evil spirit.
Similarly our bodies
are also possessed by the Evil Spirit of EGO, its main targets are the heart and mind. It stays
in our mind in the form of our negative thoughts, it keeps talking to us,
giving us commands every single second.
‘This is bad’. ‘You are a duffer’. ‘You
cannot do this because you are incapable of it’. ‘She is a horrible person’. ‘He
hates me’. ‘Everyone is conspiring against me”. ‘I am so lonely’. ‘My
complexion is so dark, I hate myself’. ‘I will never forgive you’. ‘I hate you’.
This evil spirit keep
on feeding our minds with this negativity and ultimately our hearts suffer.
This evil spirit tells
us to close our heart and directs us to never forgive the ones who have hurt us; rather it
commands us to take revenge, taunt, hurt, abuse everybody.
The moment we accept the
commands of this evil spirit it begins to destroy us. However, our heart fights
back it tells us to stop following the commands of evil spirit.
Yet if in our stubbornness we continue to
ignore the humble pleas of our heart it begins to shout and fight fiercely. This is
the classic fight of heart and mind.
And if we allow the
evil spirit of Ego to take over us completely then our hearts reach a point
where they are unable to fight anymore and lose their right rhythm. Then one
day, they just stop.
No cardiac pacemaker
can tolerate the burden of soul. Forgive who ever needs to be forgiven, whether
it’s yourself or someone else.
I cannot help much but all I can say or request is, release what you are
holding on to, free yourself from the possession of evil spirit of Ego and the
only person who can help you is, YOU.
With all my prayers.
Sonya Syed. (Day 524)
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