Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Every where I turned I kept on
hearing about new year resolutions, some focused on loosing weight some were
dedicated to leave unhealthy habits and so on. Last year I also made some
resolutions which I don’t remember anymore, but I know that I did have
something like resolutions.
So this year I made a resolution
of not making any resolution, all I intend to do in 2012 is to stay intensely
present in the Now, the present moment.
I decided that this year I will
not carry the baggage of any painful thought or emotion from my past, nor I
will drive my self crazy by worrying unnecessarily about the future.
I will stay in the present moment
because past has no power over me anymore and our future is merely an extension
of our present moment.
And I have to say, that this idea
of staying in the Now is also appreciated by God because on the first day of
2012 I was blessed with an anointed opportunity to make peace and reconcile
with someone with whom I have been estranged with few years ago. This person is
one of the people I respect like my elders.
Although I was dreaming about
dissolving this rift since August 2011 but I really could not understand the
meaning behind my dreams yet I felt that it was the time to break the ice.
However, before making any move I wanted to be absolutely sure that this was
just not my own wish/worry thinking or some hidden agendas which I might have.
So while I was sitting quietly on
New Year’s morning focusing on my breathing trying to meditate, images of this
particular person began to emerge vigorously. I talked to my Mom about all this
and the push she gave me was all I needed.
A little nervous I called and
what I found out on making that call was everybody there also wanted to contact
me as much as I did.
To my surprise I am feeling very
lite since I called, as if a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. This
means that there was really something which needed to be settled and I am so
thankful to God, that He made it all so easy for me.
If I have carried this burden
with me believing that it was nothing important, then I could have developed a
Blind Spot in my soul which might have changed into some physical illness.
This is the case with Blind
Spots, they are the dark areas which we conveniently bury in our mind. When we
have either suffered from pain or have made someone else suffer and if we don’t
accept, surrender, forgive ourselves and others then this hidden dark area or
Blind Spot will turn into cancer or some other deadly disease.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you
ignore the pain or trauma, rather you fully accept that its there But decide
not to let it affect you anymore. You allow the problem to go into God’s hand
without any resistance, and pray that the situation be peacefully healed for
all involved.
This year my friends may we all
heal our souls..…
Love…..
Sonya. (Day 258)
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