Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
When you get caught up in the
trivialities of life, when you are tired to your core, when you endlessly run
errands, do daily chores and at the end of it all your head is busting with
headache you see something and it inspires. It inspires you to be, to breathe.
Today my muse has been a film
“Zindgai naa milegi dobara” yes I am inspired. At first I watched this film to
kill my time in the evening after having a much delayed lunch. Then the movie’s
location asked me stay on and then finally the message of the film “to live in
the present moment” inspired me.
To experience the aliveness of
your life you don’t have to go Spain
or do deep sea diving or jump from 15,000 ft but all you need to do is to
breathe and feel the life that is within you. Then the sun rays titillating your
face, a flower in your balcony, laughter of a child, stars, moon in full bloom
are all the miracles of life unfolding in front of you all the time. They could inspire you but you have to be there to
look and listen.
It has been a human dilemma that
even though we are sitting in 20-Jan-12 but our minds are running in March 2015
or April 1991. We are never here in the now, thus we fail to be fully imbibed
in the Present Moment.
For quite some time now I have
been living in this peace of present moment until my mind started to tell me
that now I have to do more. Succumbing to the temptation of life I began my
work to enter the real world and the instant I started this journey I somehow
became disconnected with myself.
The first thing that got polluted
was my blog writing. I lost touch with my inner voice which impacted my blog, my
passion. Why did this happen because I was so busy in meeting deadlines, calling
people or doing legal correspondence.
Although I sat to write something- anything, however only mind made stuff appeared in my recent posts and I couldn’t
find my soul in my writing anymore. I used to get tired earlier also but now my
tiredness puts me down.
So do I have to make a choice to
either live in the peace of this moment or become ambitiously involved in my
life activities?
Honestly I don’t want to choose
because I want both. There is no point of any worldly achievements if you are
not at peace within yourself. If you are not getting inspired by the blossoming
of a flower then there is a chance that your inner flower (your soul) would
also wither away.
So the morale of the story is: live in this moment so you can be aware of
and be inspired by the million miracles unfolding in front of you.
When I slept I had severe
headache but now in 3.30 in the morning I just woke up with the flow of this
post which started to come to me by itself, desiring to be written.
Cheers to inspiration!
Sonya (Day 262)
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