Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
I seriously need to change all my
profile pictures because seeing myself with the same smile in same attire for
months is literally aching my eyes. I admire people on facebook who
constantly update their status and profile pictures, it makes them so present.
Whilst people like me who are
highly cautious about themselves can never do anything that is remotely
connected to socializing. My list of many do’s and don’ts have
restricted me. There are quite a few people these days who are telling me to relax my rules a
bit.
I am always stuck up in what is
practical and rational but sometimes it is wise to allow oneself to fly high
without any logic, let things be. Why does everything has to be either this way
or that way, why cant things just be.
I don’t know if leading such a
cautious life is feasible or not in the long-run but if I have to assess on the
current results then it has both its advantages and disadvantages. Advantage is
more on the professional front when caution leads to wise decisions without any
involvement of emotions. The disadvantage is that people you meet also start to
behave cautiously with you. Thus the vital human communication is reduced to a
mechanical almost robot like connection.
Cautiousness might at times be interpreted
as reserved nature or pride which will undoubtedly stop the help or moral
support coming your way. Sometimes its fine to allow yourself to make mistakes
and to be vulnerable, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to learn and grow in life.
I accept that in past and sometimes even
now I hardly ever allow myself to make mistakes and the obsession to
make everything perfect worsens the situation. Unfortunately this obsessive & cautious behaviour also leads to anxiety and stress.
When the reality is, we are not supposed to be perfect, we are here to take our journey with all our foolishness and mistakes, learn from them and strive with best of our capability to excel as humans.
When the reality is, we are not supposed to be perfect, we are here to take our journey with all our foolishness and mistakes, learn from them and strive with best of our capability to excel as humans.
With best wishes…
Sonya. (Day 338)
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