Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Returning to the familiar territories is such a delight, and for me it would have to be this blog; though I intentionally stayed away from appearing for a couple of days because whatever I would write then might have felt forced rather than natural.
Since now when I am in my usual frame of mind with much less distractions, well almost, I thought that this is the time to share a thing or two with you guys.
Clarity of mind is a sheer blessing and I cannot but be in awe of those who possess this trait as their natural state, as for others like me who need to do a bit of work on ourselves before we are able to experience clarity and stillness.
Some of our friends wanted to know what do I mean by stillness; well our minds are highly activated most of the time and there is constant thinking going on in it. Most of our thoughts are repetitive and they just continue like a movie playing of past and current events; and stillness is nothing more than quietening our minds.
It is when we become the witness of our thoughts without any judgement or condemnation to what we hear. As we become the witness we can realize that there are thoughts and the I who is observing and witnessing these thoughts, hence there are two of us. Once we began to separate ourselves from our thoughts or mind, even it is only few seconds; we could sense a certain quietude and stillness. This stillness then leads to the ultimate peace, something which we run after all our lives and try to find it in the form of happiness from acquiring material objects, from our job, from our relationships and list goes on. It is when we could fully acknowledge and accept the transient nature of life and how impermanent all physical structures are, and that no thing or no one could give us what we already have right within us.
It is from this peace and stillness we are able to realize our true joy and love which is independent of anything that this world could offer us.
A bit philosophical today but to be honest there is no philosophy just a plane, simple fact.
With all my Love…
Sonya. (Day 145)
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