Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
Burning eyes, heavy head, looking desperately for a place to sleep or even a simple head down would suffice under such circumstances; are all the wonders of insomnia.
Yesterday I decided to loose myself in the beauty of slumber and getting to bed by 9 pm but no! mind had other plans. The more I focused on sleep the more resistance I faced so after a tug-of–war with me on one end and insomnia on the other, I gave up and decided to be awake as long as my mind wants to. There was just no point in fighting with it. God knows when I slept, may be it was 3 or 4 I have no idea.
My night routine has been disturbed for months now, because when I get the signal to doze off I think its too early and I need to do other things rather than go to bed; therefore, the entire routine is messed up.
Sleep is such a vital part of our lives and if we don’t do justice to it our entire immune system pays a very high price, we have zero concentration, everything including our perceptions become blurred. We somehow still manage to do all that is required during the day nevertheless, the quality of the output is immensely compromised.
Have you ever felt that you are part of someone’s conversation somewhere although you are physically far apart from those people or did you ever get a feeling that some people are very close to you as if they are in the next room and you can just talk to them. Well I am having such experiences though not continuously rather in some hiatus. I just feel so connected but to what, where or to whom I cannot say; all I can say it’s a group of people like a family.
Anyways I am not even remotely trying to analyze or figure out what is that I am feeling or who these people might be because my telepathic towers send and receive incorrect signals. Once my friend was thinking of me and I ended up calling my cousin and this has not happened once. Probably my tower/satellite is working fine and I misinterpret the signals so not to be a dumbo anymore I need to work on my sixth, seven or eighth sense or whatever it is.
Till I work on my senses and also beyond…..…my love and more to you all.
Sonya. (Day 173)
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