Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
I wonder what would become of my sleep tonight; I made myself a cup of cold black coffee with no particular reason just felt like doing it. Now mind is wondering in infinity and there is nothing to think and nothing to talk about.
I am quite amazed at my mind’s working because some ancient thoughts which I assumed to have been quiescent are suddenly active but thankfully are not causing me any trouble or agony. I want to stay with them for a little while however knowing what I know about thoughts and the power they unleash I prefer not to dwell with them anymore.
Beyond our bony skeleton, our blood, the tissues and cells we are made up of electron, neurons and atom which forms our basis; and atom is pure energy. Every human being is manufactured with the same energy quotient even the non-living things that are apparently solid like a table or a chair are also made up of these energy elements. Similarly our thoughts also possess energy and emanate a certain frequency every single moment. Whatever we think about we magnetically attract it.
"Our neural networks are made up of neurons communicating with other neurons in circuits, their behaviour becomes quite predictable. The more conscious attention pay to any particular circuit, or the more time we spend thinking specific thoughts, the more impetus those circuits or thought patterns have. We are designed to focus in on whatever we are looking for. If I seek red in the world then I will find it everywhere. Perhaps a little in the beginning, but the longer I stay focused on looking for red, then before you know it, I will see red everywhere".*
We all have experienced this in one way or the other quite a few times when we are thinking about a friend then that friend calls us out of the blue; or if we are thinking desperately about a missing file then someone unexpectedly shows up on our doorstep holding that particular file. There are no coincidences or nothing like serendipity.
So after all this information I concentrate on not concentrating too much because there are few things which if I attract as a consequence would bring along with them jerks & jolts. Rather I prefer to go with the flow and let things take their natural course.
Never mind today’s ambiguity one thing I shall always think of is my love to all.
Good night.
Sonya. (Day 76)
* Excerpt from “My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor.”
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