On more than a few occasions I thought of venting out my feelings on some personal experiences that I went through when my Dad passed away on 13th August, 2009. Somehow the words did not seem to assemble appropriately in my thoughts. Four months have passed and life seems to be getting on the way it was supposed to be, although at that time it seemed unendurable. Several people whom I presumed to be my well-wishers if not friends did not have even call up for condolences. I was not asking them for anything but few words of support would have meant a lot. With the Grace of God I did the support I needed and all my emotional needs were met. I got the help I needed and most surprisingly from unexpected quarters. But I always wonder why those whom I expected to be with me were no where to be seen. What made them so hard that few words of sympathy were difficult for them to express, what were they afraid of? Were they hurt in the same places and when they needed someone to comfort them no one came? These are all mere conjectures; maybe I’ll never be able to know the truth. But what could I do, should I go ahead and allow myself to hover in abhorrence and make a pact to give them the taste of their medicine whenever I get the chance. But then it would be superfluous. Or should I follow adage love them who hurts you. Someone told me to pray for them because who knows what they must have gone through which lead them to close their hearts. Well, I tried that but the soreness still dwells somewhere. May be what actually hurt me more was not the loss of my father but the demise of my relationship with all those people; like my Dad they too shall never return.
In the words of Mr. Amitabh Bachchan “Why is it that issues that concern us seem so unconcerning to others? Why is it that conditions that bring us on with a leaden face, never seem to have the same effect on others? Is it the satisfaction they live in of not being in our position or are they made of sterner stuff? Why is it that we cannot be the stuff they are made of? Why is it that we never seem to possess the strength of conviction and the great fortitude that they arm themselves with constantly?
How is it that they never cease their work conditions, yet we do ours. Why is it that they fail to show remorse, whilst we are constantly within one. Is the construct of our minds and bodies different. Why is it that we always seek the other, rather than rejoice with and within our own.
Human nature is so puzzling and so diverse.
Memory !! It wanders about almost as though it had gone dormant and then emerges suddenly, either with greater power, or with softer and subtle destruction. Either way it harms. Best then to leave it alone and let it fester by itself and vanish. But skeptical compulsions bog us down. We know it shall never vanish or disappear. At least individuals like us do. We bring it on to ourselves. Are we too selfish in our thoughts and too compelling to our fragile system. A system that when provoked does respond somewhat sincerely, but perhaps not enough to overcome what we have allowed to occupy us.”
With all my love....
Sonya
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