Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
I cannot stand that I need to carry the battery of my laptop wherever I go what is the use of having a laptop when one can’t even put it on lap and constantly require electric supply to keep it alive & working. When I use to work on a system fixed in one corner of my room I so much wanted to have a laptop and was not happy for the lack of mobility. And before I had my PC I felt lack for not having a PC.
If you look at the pattern closely you would notice that I always felt lack & dissatisfaction and wanted more; I got more and more however the satisfaction period was brief. Once I got what I wanted then I would again ride high on the horses of my desire and wishes, it seems like bottomless pot which could never be filled, the more we put into it the more it remains empty. Lack & dissatisfaction are typical human traits and I personally think are the foundations of greed. Whenever we look at our state and say to ourselves “boy I don’t have anything or what I have is not enough, I want more” this is when greed has entered our system. I have seen people who are multimillionaires but they always say that their business is not doing well and they really need to do more. But then what is more and where does it end, we need to ask ourselves that “what is being rich means to us or how would we know when are rich”. We need to set some standards, some definite goals so when we achieve them we could proclaim to be rich, to have enough. Or else there shall be endless frustration and inevitable stress or more appropriately as described in the New Testament the personification of riches and greed in the form of a false god.
So in order to put my theory into practice I asked my mom, my younger cousins who are studying in schools, that how would they know if they are rich? The answers were really interesting; my mom had no answer which showed she didn’t have any desire to be a billionaire. However, one of my cousins gave me a very definite answer he said whenever I had bought sports car with my own money and have enough to spend on whatever I wish without having to think twice then I would know for sure that I am rich. Now here we have a multimillionaire in the making.
The question here is, is it wrong to desire better and greater material things in life or to have a comfortable life? Of course not, one could and should always strive for greater achievements; after all, this world is made up of such things and to live here is equivalent to playing this game and playing it well. Nevertheless, the desire for more must not originate from lack or dissatisfaction but it should have its basis in deep gratitude and appreciation for what we already have. I think when we are in the state of sheer gratitude then what we have makes us feel abundant so much so that we don’t need anymore. Although we all say graces, our Alhamdulillah our Thank You Lord but its all verbal & superficial, what is significant here is to deeply feel the feelings of gratitude with every single cell in our bodies. Once we get to this point then we would be able to gauge the wealth of the world at its exact worth which is nothing and has no intrinsic value.
Look what I ended up talking about; when I sat down to write I had something of a completely different nature in mind anyway all is well that ends well.
In gratitude and abundance.
Sonya (Day 85)
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