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My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.   It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...

Day 382

It is such a blessing to have food available to eat as soon as you feel hungry. Then the ultimate luxury is to finish dinner by Doritos. I am not a fan of night or midnight snacking but sometimes to slightly deviate from your strict rules feels comforting. Adults at home are glued to TV watching there favourite show Hasb-e-Haal, a greatly refreshing program, whereas the younger lot is busy in video games. So there are mixed noises coming to me from different directions and this makes me happy. I start to feel better after 9 pm because by this time everybody is home. Otherwise evenings become bit scary, sometimes I switch on the TV while I work or do my chores. The voices and people on TV keeps me company, they would stay with me as long as I want them. Yesterday it took me more than an hour to change the blog’s template and its background, but all in vain. This task was not difficult but due to some technical glitch I was unable to get the change I desired, so what you s...

Colour

If you enter my home these days the first thing you would notice is the killer fragrance of fresh paint. Initially it seemed like an answer to all my prayers for home improvement but when everything gets upside down you begin to question yourself as to how on earth you would resettle it all.   However, once you begin to witness the outcome of others and your effort in taking care of your home then nothing matters.           It is not always about achieving your target but the real fun is when you enjoy the   journey you have to take before you reach your goal.           After many, many many years I had a cup of black coffee. There was a time when I actually enjoyed this drink, for the reason(s) still unknown to me. It was I think my 10 th grade exams when I needed to study at night. So after a lot of deliberation it was decided to get myself used to of some caffeine.   ...

Birthdays

Today is the birthday of one of my dear friend. A very Happy Birthday to Fauzia- you are wonderful friend and I shall always cherish the times we spent together. Thank you for being a sincere friend.              Today is all about birthdays so I thought why not write on this subject.  In my childhood birthdays were the highlight of the year, I used to wait for this day when I would get all the gifts and all my family will be with me.               And then! we grow up.... As we get older we tend to forget and easily ignore the little joys which were once available to us.  We stop paying attention to ourselves and so easily loose ourselves in the chaos of daily life. We not only treat ourselves harshly but we also become insensitive toward others. The lame reason we give for not being emotionally available to our loved ones is that “I am too busy”...

Rain & Paint

After a long interval and anxious excitement, my room is finally painted. This is also the main reason for my awkward appearances and disappearances from the blog. There is no internet and when there is, then the mind is engaged at ten places simultaneously. For few years, something has gone terribly wrong with my room because the more I try to make it comfortable the more unsettling it gets. Lately my room has been called different names some call it a storeroom, others a museum and for some it is a furniture shop.  So I decided to give it a facelift and I am positive that now everything is going to settle perfectly, because now I have a direction and openness to view every possible option. Having said that I am not going overboard with the expenses in decorating my room because sooner or later it is going to be my secondary residence.             Finally first winter rains have hit the city and I must s...

Ishq e Mamnu

I never wanted to admit this publicly but I am confessing that I am a fan of Ishq e Mamnu ( Aşk-ı Memnu, Forbidden Love). The craze this Turkish TV play is creating especially amongst the ladies these days it is quite impossible for me to ignore it. Bihter and Behloul, famous characters from the play are immensely popular with our audiences. At first beautiful faces, dresses, the makeup, the jewellery, exquisite room decoration and delightful scenery attracts you and once you start to watch it then there is no going back. Initially I resisted but then it captivated me as well. However, we have to admit that it has quite remarkable acting by all the actors. In particular the protagonist of the serial Beren Saat famously known as Bihter is exceptional both in beauty and acting and of course it has excellent direction. What I am against is the boldness in dressing and very different social practices. There are also apprehensions in our media that if this tren...

Music

        Its been a deliberate decision to vanish for few days and go into my hibernation mode. There are moments when nothing makes sense, when everything seems to be out of place, and when you need to stand for yourself and make some strong resolutions. Thus it is only wise under the prevailing circumstances to take a break.        So what happened after wards? Well, you decide that you need to start from the start. That you are wiser now and you have learned from the mistakes and carelessness of the past. That you will be authentic, this time. That you will make the most from the opportunities which life is and shall be presenting. That you will be intensely aware, this time. That you will be in peace and gratitude.          Yes, I am successfully renovating my life- fixing up the broken aspects, throwing away the clutter, claiming my space and redecorating it all with bri...

Idols

"If there's something you want really badly, and you think somewhat obsessively about getting it, then know that on an energetic level your attachment is actually sending it away. The answer? Prayer... Dear God, Please take away my idolatrous thinking, luring me into thinking that something or someone other than You is the source of my salvation. Of myself I cannot rise above. Please do this for me. And so it is. Amen… By Marianne Williamson"   Today I wanted to begin my post by the prayer of my favorite writer Marianne Williamson. I saw these lines on her facebook page and the moment I read them I felt as if I am struck by lightening. I thought as if she is addressing me directly.   Many times in our life we either want something badly or get obsessed with certain things and people.   If this has never happened to you then great… but I have to say that I am guilty of such act and not once but many times. We have many idols in our lives ...