Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
I went for the renewal of my national identity card today, I didn’t have a clue that it expired months ago. It appears that although I am living and breathing in this world, yet I am completely oblivious to its requirements.
Besides the long line of citizens at NADRA, everything was unexpectedly organized and proper. Once I got my token, it all went smoothly and my picture on the new I.D. card would be far less scary then the one I had on the previous card.
During past few months I am fully engrossed in myself and a personal project which I am working on. I am seeing but I don’t have a vision, I am hearing but I am not actually listening; yet life moves on.
Japan’s earthquake was and is a devastating experience to endure; nevertheless, the tsunami and ever lasting after shocks of high-prices in Pakistan are far more soul and mind shattering.
Away from the moments of my oblivion, I was asked to buy some grocery and as I went to the cooking-oil counter to get a 3-liter oil bottle I saw on it the price tag of Rs. 605. As soon as I saw the price, I literally thought I would faint right then and there, but humans have high shock absorbing configuration.
I mean its just 400 less Rs. 1000 and it’s a very basic and essential food item, for God’s sake! It felt as if my head hit a brick wall. I suddenly became present in the here and now with all my senses, a state termed as “spiritual enlightenment”.
What can I say except this; that if anyone has to acquire a heightened state of spiritual enlightenment and to come to his or her senses, then all they have to do is to go for grocery shopping in Karachi.
We are only two people with stable income yet this price hike in household commodity and food items has a significant impact on us. I cannot imagine how anybody earning Rs. 10,000 or less per month with a family of 6 or 7 persons is able to put food on table. Moreover, if they have school-going children then how on earth are they able to manage all that plus feed them.
A week ago I went into shock when my friend told me that she had a cut-down or load shedding of household gas continuously for 3 days. Finally now the authorities have decided to show some mercy and to have one day a week of gas load shedding in her area.
While I was growing up my elders and teachers told me that the household gas is one of those natural resources in Pakistan of which there would never be a shortfall; hence today’s condition.
It is ridiculously expensive and extremely hurtful to witness how everything is falling apart in this beautiful country.
The best tool I have learned to survive all this is, to be hyper-present/aware of all the things which I have now or have the capacity to buy. I am deeply grateful to have 2 to 3 meals a day, to be able to drink coffee or tea, to be able to pay my bills, to be able buy luxury items like shampoo or conditioners or cosmetics.
I am not saying this mechanically merely as a routine mantra but I am actually feeling the feelings of gratitude with every cell in my body. However, the key is to feel gratitude irrespective of destitution or prosperity.
Amongst all these devastations I am coming to terms with the reality of the impermanence of all physical structures, the power of gratitude and how much gratifying it is to fully live in this very moment rather than kill myself over the future. In this moment when I am writing this blog, is all there is or there will ever be.
And in this moment let’s decide and commit ourselves to pray for five minutes each day for the solace and welfare in Japan and Pakistan.
Have a great day dear ones…
Sonya. (Day 183)
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