Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase. It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions. This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...
What
could be a better way than to start my post with warm and loving wishes &
many prayers for all of you.
May Allah bless us with His divine light,
guidance, love, peace, health, joy and wealth.
Many
of you have already celebrated first day of Eid and for people on my side of
globe will celebrate today and also tomorrow. Wherever you are my wishes for
all you shall remain the same.
Eid
in Karachi, especially chand raat (a day before Eid) is the most enjoyable-
sometimes more than the Eid day. Many of the Karachites spend chand raat shopping,
window shopping, ladies waiting in long waiting lines for henna, last moment
salon calls and of course the dresses- which by the way are never ready on
time. Husbands or brothers are continuously visiting tailors to get the dresses
and every time master sahib (the tailor) gives them a highly logical answer to
get extra fifteen minutes until the dresses are finally done.
Every
Eid I promise myself that this time I would not visit any mall or shop on chand
raat or the day before- but contrary to my resolutions I always end up
wandering chaotically in the mall.
And
then comes the Eid day which start quite early with a panic to get ready for
the Eid prayers, the wondrous sheer qorma, some brief family gatherings later
to be followed by dinners or lunches. And the discussion is incomplete until
Moms are mentioned, they give their best and all of their remaining energy in
cooking and attending family, visiting relatives and friends.
I
am proud to be a Muslim and I thank Allah for giving me Pakistan, a country
where I learned values, morals, the art of living in a family, togetherness and
traditions. It breaks my heart when I see the state of this country and how its
citizens are being high jacked by few powerful people who are successfully
spreading hatred and differences, corrupting the system, creating injustice,
looting our money, depriving our children from true knowledge of Islam and
education.
This
is the time that we ask – no beg Allah for His forgiveness and mercy, because
none of this is happening without a reason. This situation is merely the
effect, the cause lies somewhere else. It lies with all of us, both
individually and collectively. We are doing something, at some level very
incorrect and improper because of which we are suffering.
I
always believed that I have not committed any major sins, except few times when I gossiped, so why am I suffering with everyone else in this country. Why aren’t
we all happy and prosperous, and if somebody is in problem then-why am I
suffering?
You
know I always received whatever I prayed for, but it was of mediocre quality. My
wishes and prayers were heard but I didn’t receive the high quality of my
wishes which I was praying for, sometimes I didn’t even get what I prayed for.
See
it was like, that I worked hard and studied for an A+ but all I got was passing
marks or a C grade.
And
after years of struggling with the situation, I finally asked this question in
my prayers.
And then I believe that an
answer came. In my heart, I had this thought that I never really focused on
Astagfar (forgiveness from Allah).
I
hardly ever did tasbeehs of Astagfar, because I thought that I haven’t committed
any major sins. And that was my mistake. Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) and all other Prophets before him routinely did Astagfar. Every Prophet was the purest
and most beloved creation of God, then why did they ask Allah for forgiveness
day and night.
You
know why, because they understood something- that forgiveness and mercy of
Allah lightens our spirit, comforts the mind and heart, so the body becomes peaceful.
So
the moment I understood the real idea behind Astagfar, I only focus on it. I thank
Allah for everything and then concentrate fully on asking forgiveness. That’s all the praying I do, is to ask for His
mercy and forgiveness.
This
is my lesson on the Ramadan of 2016.
May
you all have beautiful Eid…
Sonya
Syed. (Day 559)
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