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My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.   It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...

Waiting

I waited for almost four hours before I had my lunch/dinner and then began waiting for the weekend to come and do some shopping which has been postponed for quite some time. Waiting : waiting for your turn at the bank, waiting for the food to get cooked, waiting for electricity to be resumed, waiting for the red light to turn green on the road, waiting for the right time to come, waiting for everything to settle into its place- there is so much waiting in our lives on every single day that it would be safe to say that ninety percent of our lives we are actually waiting for something or for someone. Then the question would follow; what is more important whether waiting itself or our mental state while we are waiting; and if we are composed or impatient for the outcome. Well, most of them the gap or vacuum or the space which we have to endure while we await for someone or something becomes unbearable. Even though we might be well aware that the object of our desire is close to us howe...

Cheers to Friendship and Reconnections

Friendship - for some reason is the first word which came to my mind as I sat down to write today’s post. Friends are such an integral part of one’s life and everything seems incomplete without their presence. When we are children our friends mean a world to us we laugh, cry, gossip and share each other’s secret and as we grow up we transform into each others’ adviser, supporter and confidante. Irrespective of how much we are close to our parents or siblings the bond we share with our friends is all together a different dimension. With me I have to say that I truly am blessed and thankful for having two of the most wonderful people as my friends. They have always supported me advised me accepted me and loved me unconditionally. Regardless of how ridiculous my new hair cut looked or how much weight I gain they would always highlight the truer and brighter side of the things for me. There might be a gap of weeks when we talk but the moment we sit down for a rendezvous we always begi...

Movies

It has been quite a while since I actually sat down to watch any movie, mostly I loose my concentration within thirty minutes into the film, especially the latest ones. With so much technical advancement and heavy budgets, the quality and spirit of the film is lost somewhere in the glitz and glamour. The songs which are being produced these days are hardly remembered for more than 3 days and if slightly better then they might last in our memories for a week but no sir not more than that. Even though there is bombardment of new faces yet most of us are still clinging on to the earlier superstars as nobody new seems to make that charismatic impact; I can’t say if this is the case with me only or if anyone of you is experiencing the same predicament. I wonder what type of people would like to work in show business which to me is one of the most unstable and unsecured profession of all. If you make it big and reach the top slot then only you would be able to get big bucks otherwise the i...

Knowing

Before I sat down for starting today’s post I thought of going about with something different but when I began the theme did not appeal me hence I decided to set aside it all together. It is wise at times to leave certain things as they are and not try to fix all that we don’t like or want, doing nothing is sometimes the best thing which one could do. I need a psychic today to tell me few things; to look at the other side and give me some insights if possible. There are occasions when we are content in not knowing certain things; nevertheless, there are also these unsatisfied moments when we must know irrespective of the nature of what manifests as the consequence of our desire- but we must know ! I am not sure of any of the above made any sense to any of you however it was much needed to come forth. I seriously thought of making some calls to people I haven’t met for a year or two but then I got skeptical of the whole idea; I surrendered the whole matter to God and asked for ...

Day 124 & Hesitations

   Lazy start of the day with an even lazy and late lunch is no less than a luxury to me. It’s a luxury when one does things at ones own desire and only when there is an absolute need for them.    There are moments when we would want to get in touch with someone but then our past experiences with them, their impressions on our mind or our own over-estimations of either people or situation forbids us to make that first move, that dreaded first move. Albeit how much we would like to communicate, our preconceived notions hinder our every move or our apprehension takes over our rational capacity to do what is right. I cannot say if there is any solution to this problem but all what I knew from my experience is to completely surrender your matter, whatever it is, to God. In these moments it is best to seek counsel of the One who is the best Knower of all things- past, present and future. Our judgements, estimations are majority of times incorrect as we do not possess th...

Voice in the Head (Part 2 Day 123)

   Final day of festive holidays and from tomorrow life would once again get back to its normality and the same routine. Come to think of the routine life I believe it to be a blessing because it is an indicator that we are not going through any unusual excitement of life, no highs no lows just a straight horizontal line in the midst of the blank canvas.       While I was away from my PC I was anxious to open it and share a thought or two with all of you and now when I am finally sitting in front of it I don’t have any thoughts in mind. There is stillness in the mind and neutrality in the feelings, which is again a blessing and a fruit of one & half years of thorough mental and emotional labour.      Most of the life situations that we find ourselves in are worsened by our negative, constant and repetitive thinking. Situations are always neutral rather it is how we choose to perceive or label them makes them the experiences of hell or hea...