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My Two Cents

Allhumdolillah! I am at a much better place since my last post with series of lab tests, utlrasounds, a mammogram and some other really scary tests, and a gut wrenching anxiety of results. I am doing well thankfully everything was clear except low iron levels with vitamin d3 deficiency. These deficiencies are now on their way to recovery. It is worth noting that I have been struggling with intense brain and physical fatigue since 2019 but not a single doctor was able to identify my problem. Once somebody is diagnosed with depression or anxiety then every health issue they complain about is looked from the psychological lenses. Nobody asked me to check iron, vitamin b12 or vitamin d3 deficiencies even my mum who is a dermatologist always assured me that I am fine and this weakness is just a phase.   It was a phase alright, it engulfed almost 8 years of my life pushed back my career and research ambitions.  This is not the case alone with me but there are many people who silentl...

Light, camera, action!

Today has been a long day, from the morning the spirit of lethargy has possessed me. All I want is to doze off, just calm down the mind, because it has been hyper-active throughout the week.  Sometimes it is strange that you feel irritated as if you need to do something but don’t know what it is. You carefully read and re-read your To-do list and there is nothing missing there. So what is the reason for such discomfort ? Am I suppose to finish a chore that I have completely forgotten or do I have to speak with somebody. Ahh so many questions but, alas no answer.... Today I have been trying to select my picture to upload it on facebook; however it has been a struggle in vain. The ones I already have, had been uploaded on fb at least 100 hundred times and my friends and family have pleaded me not to repeat them anymore.  One of my best pictures had been on fb profile for more than a year, so one day I received a desperate email from my cousin. She said, ‘ Sony...

Education

All my students are quite content with me today for I have given each one of them either an A+ or an A on their assignments. More than their happiness, I am glad that they are getting my point. Sometimes while I am teaching I have this outer body experience where I feel as if I   am watching myself from a distance, as a person addressing different mix of audience with all the clarity of ideas and expression.     I have come a long way from a being person who had an intense fear of public speaking to who I am today. Throughout my school life, my teachers had only one remark for me ‘lack of confidence’ in all my report cards. And then came my BBA where for the first time I had to do presentations in front of my class of 25 pupils. My knees used to shiver from fear, I had severe cold sweat attacks whenever my teachers asked me to speak.  At times couple of my teachers as soon as they entered the class would announce that ' today we are going to ma...

To whom it may concern....

                I have to thank my friend for helping me with my emotional cleansing, for going that extra mile for me in selecting the right people and then finally helping me to release my inner demon, my hidden anger. There are definitely guardian angels working with all of us, sometimes they are disguised as humans.                   You take up a spiritual path and you get the idea that now you are free of all negativity, that now you are all peace. But honestly you are living in fool’s paradise because what you have done is simply hidden the dust under the mat. One triggering event comes and you are back to square one with all the hidden material to deal with.                   Nevertheless, we can only be cured if we accept that we ar...

Love, light, faith.....

The mind today is not where it should be. Many images, thoughts are randomly showing up on the screen of the mind and the more I am trying to run away from them, the more intensely they are emerging. The reason for such intensity is unknown to me but it seems as if something is trying to manifest from the domain of my thoughts into realm of my reality.                 Yes sometimes the unknown becomes known and the unfamiliar suddenly becomes familiar. The faces which were once seemed to be far and unreachable are now coming close and becoming reachable, and the illusion of time and space is lessening.          What do you do now, should you wait for the nature to takes its course or should you do anything? Should you move or should you stop? Should you speak or should you withhold?  But then you do not need words to express because the soul h...

Lawn and more lawn

I am seriously getting scared now it is giving me goose bumps and also a bit drowsiness in the head. Before beginning I’ll tell you that I love to create/ design dresses, I have inherited this trait from my youngest Phuppi (my father’s youngest sister) Tabussum Aunty. Although I don’t make too many clothes but I like to form their images in my mind. Whenever I couldn’t sleep at night or simply get bored I would take up my sketch book and draw dress designs, I choose colours and so on. And most of the time I would just make a perfect suit in my mind. At times when I am free and just want freshen up I would surf net for latest western trends or classic styles from 1930’s, all done randomly.  So day before yesterday in my mind I saw myself in an orange dress. I liked the bright orange hue so I just started to play with that image in mind. Today few moments ago as I opened my facebook page I saw an orange dress exactly as I imagined it two days ago by one of my favour...